Rape story: Battling in my thoughts, I lay in a bed with a stranger that I knew. Well only intimately, or was it intimate? Tears filled my eyes and what had happened was painful. I had been raped. I moaned softly, separated only by a pillow was the prey and its predator. I the prey, clinged to the edge of the bed, confused, hurt, heart broken off which the latter couldn’t be reconciled as we never shared any companionship but nevertheless I felt deceived. A million questions filled my mind. How did I end up here?
Vivid memories of the previous night saturated my fragile mind. It had been a weekend of absolute bliss, my best friend’s birthday. We had all decided to go celebrate at a club in town. To think I was not very eager to go clubbing, two taxis away from my home added discomfort to my thoughts of regret. But I decided to go anyway and didn’t have much of a choice. I tried aimlessly to spend the night alone as I usually do but the pressure and pestering became too much to bear. It’s like I could hear my friend Lebo in her irritating voice screaming anxiously for us to leave. As if that wasn’t enough, I suddenly jumped out of my bed and slid out of my pj’s.
I wore the red lil’ dress which was a high recommendation from my pressurising friend Lebo who joked around whilst match fitting my outfit. “Come on you not in your 50’s show some legs” she insisted. And I agree she was right, even though the dress was highly above my knees and not forgetting the colds winter weather that night. I looked wow, actually great I don’t know which sounds better though.
After all the preparation, off to town we drove in a taxi whilst Thandiswa Mazwai was playing softly in the background. The song put me at ease and in my mind there were thoughts which flowed endlessly without coordination. Still I had questions of whether I should go or not. To release myself from the tremendous doubt I decided to gaze through the open windows of the taxi and there we had arrived at the club. Everyone I saw was in their dancing shoes. “I got a feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night”, Lebo sang in chanting simultaneously whilst getting off the taxi.
Lebo and I entered the club with ecstatic faces. “Oh wow”, I said in amazement. The party spirit was all over and youngsters were dancing in sweat as if the night was their last. As much as I felt apprehensive, there was no turning back. All that I could do was to put my existing differences aside and have fun just like everyone else. Lebo was having fun as usual and unsurprisingly as it was her special day. I was also having a blast and that was visible for one could not ignore.
Then I noticed a cute guy coming towards us.He asked to dance with Lebo. I didn’t mind, I mean the birthday girl had to enjoy herself right?
The echoes of the music began to be swallowed by the walls in the club and after all the dancing I realised that I had to call it a night. However for Lerato the night was still young. I must say she had so much energy that an energiser drink was unnecessary. “No you go, I am still having a joll”, she said to me. I wondered around thinking to myself about leaving alone though before it was a collective approach. “How can Lebo change towards me? I asked myself. It was as if I was a stranger to her eyes. The clock was ticking away as if hours were chasing minutes. I knew that I had to make a plan on that note as in finding transport. I called a couple of friends however their voicemails availed.
I went outside to see if there were any cabs but to my disappointment there was nothing. I paused for moment thinking about the next plan B. Then I heard someone saying let me give you a lift. I turned to the direction of where the voice came from. It was that cute guy who had danced with Lerato earlier.” I am also leaving this place, oh by the way my name is Siphiwe”, he said with a humble voice. I turned down his offer, of which he did not take it personally. I looked at Siphiwe with doubtful remarks. Should I or not? That was a question which passed through my mind. Thinking that I just met this guy but yet I said ok.” In the essence I had planned to be back at home by the minute.
So I exited the club with the guy. Right away we jumped to his car and drove off. Siphiwe introduced himself well as we did not before and we had small chats here and there. What I found amazing was that his looks matched his personality. We joked around and laughed all the way. What a great way to end the night I thought to myself.
Whilst busy chit chatting, Siphiwe drove passed my place, though I had shown him where to drop me off. I asked him he is driving passed but he just said he was going to fetch his keys from a friend he will take me back and besides, the night was still young. We got to a complex and to my horror he opened the garage door to park the car. I asked why he is parking the car because I thought we were here just to fetch the keys but he just stared at me and smiled “come on I won’t bite lets go in and have a couple of drinks we will leave in an hour or two”, I did not mind I mean I would still be stuck on that freezing pavement had it not been for this perfect stranger.
Before we got to the door he held my hand and looked me straight in the eyes “Ok maybe I lied just a little, this is where I stay” he said. For some reason I was rather disgusted than shocked “But you are still going to take me home right?” I asked, “Yes but tomorrow” he said, “but you promised” I shouted, he looked at me and said “You are not going to raise your voice at me ever again are we clear? What the hell were you thinking taking off with a total stranger?” He was telling the truth, what the hell was I thinking, I’m in the middle on nowhere with a stranger, I don’t even know his name, in the middle of the night. He had me in a tight corner, I did not know where I was and it was either I go inside the house with him or I’ll find myself on the pavement again, I know it is crazy but I resorted for the former. I know I should have gone to the security guards and ask for help but that did not even cross my mind. We got inside and he locked the door, I could see that he was angry. It was a bachelor apartment with a kitchen, a worn out couch and a bed, it looked tidy enough though. He went straight to bed and asked me to join him and reluctant as I was, I knew at that point that there was no way out. Reality hit me I think I knew what was to follow but I hoped I was just being paranoid.
I got into bed fully clothed, it did not even take a minute he started touching me, I wanted to puke so bad my stomach was upset; I stood there colder than I was on that pavement, and reality is I was getting raped and helpless. He undressed me, tears were rolling down my cheeks I pleaded with him to stop but the more I begged the more he found pleasure, he said I should stop acting like a brat and he knows that I liked it. I tried so hard to push him away but he was too strong for me, he went on and on while I laid there like a dead woman. He did not even bother to use protection I wanted to scream so bad but I couldn’t find my voice.
After he got off he we went to sleep while I cried myself to sleep, I even went sober in a couple minutes. That night not only did I loose my virginity but I lost myself too. I lost my sense of feeling; I could smell him everyday, even my own father smelt like him. Though I refuse to bear these scars for life, I cannot stop thinking about that night. All I cared about was my survival.
I never got the courage to report him to the police or let alone to tell anyone, what was I going to say? That I took off with a total stranger whom I still do not know his name after a drinking spree and he went on to rape me. All that happened in just one night.
Names changed to protect the identity of the victims