10 Steps To Letting Go

We all go through things that have lingered on our minds for days more especially bad things. But everyone eventually needs to get to place where they let go and move past it. The accumulation of these bad feelings could be detrimental in the long run and affect relationships with the current people in your life. This is why the sooner one deals with such issues the better for themselves and the people they care about. Below are a few guidelines on how you can set yourself on the path to recovery and ultimately be at peace with yourself.

1. Meditate.

Find stillness, breathe and meditate is action. Our mind is much harder to still than our body. Our lives are busy and fast paced, filled with external noise and distractions. Clarity comes from quiet. Meditation, even in small amounts, will make room for the next 9 steps.

2. Express your pain.

Express the pain the hurt made you feel, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system, like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person. Get it all out of your system at once. Doing so will also help you understand what — specifically — you’re hurt is about.

3. Understand.

Take time to reflect on your own history as a third party looking in without judgment: simply observe. Understand that you are not your past. Understand that the situations and patterns and people in your life created your experiences, they didn’t create you. Knowing and understanding your past and some of your patterns will help you to recognize why you hold on and repeat self-destructive behaviours. Understanding creates awareness; awareness helps you break the cycle.

4. Stop being the victim and blaming others.

Being the victim feels good — it’s like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care, so you need to get over yourself. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your feelings matter. But don’t confuse with “your feelings matter” to “your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters.” Your feelings are just one part of this large thing we call life, which is all interwoven and complex. And messy.

5. Accept.

Accept your history and the people that have been a part of your history; accept your circumstances and remember that none of these define you. Acceptance is the first step to letting go and setting yourself free. Carrying bitterness, anger or animosity burdens no one but you.

6. Focus on the present.

Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where the protagonist — you — is forever the victim of this other person’s horrible actions. You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life. When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness (as they are bound to do from time to time), acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment. Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying to yourself, “It’s alright. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my own happiness.

7. Contribute.

When you find yourself lamenting about your past or angry about your present or brooding about your future, find a way to making someone’s day better. Offering a smile to someone as you pass, opening a door, putting a bit of extra change in the parking meter, dropping off some food for the food bank: these simple actions can have lasting impact and help you to put your situation into perspective. Contributing to the well-being of others is the best way to align with your true self.

8. Believe in yourself.

Believe in your purpose. Believe that the universe is unfolding as it should and that you have a divine roll to play. Believe that holding on does nothing in fact but hold you back from that purpose.

9. Forgive them — and yourself.

We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviours, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.” Forgiveness is a way of tangibly letting something go. It’s also a way of empathizing with the other person, and trying to see things from their point of view.
Forgiving yourself may be an important part of this step as well, as sometimes we may end up blaming ourselves for the situation or hurt. While we indeed may have had some part to play in the hurt, there’s no reason you need to keep beating yourself up over it.

10.Love the process.

Have fun. Be playful, cheerful and positive. Give power to positivity. Love yourself, love others and love this life. It is a gift to unwrap each and every day, to gaze upon with new and excited eyes.