10 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship

Women abuse is very prevalent in South Africa.It’s important to know the signs of abuse so that you can act and get help before it’s too late! See 10 Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship below

1. Look hard at those incidents that gave you an ‘uh-oh’ feeling.
If you’ve seen any of the following signs, the chances are good that you are in an abusive relationship, or one that is about to escalate into abusive.

2. Notice if your partner gets angry when you spend time with others, even if it’s only your own family members.

3. Watch for name-calling or insulting remarks.
If she/he’s calling you “stupid,” that’s bad, and you should call your partner on it, saying that you will not accept being called names like this. If she/he’s calling you a “stupid b*tch” or a “dumb whore,” that’s way over the line.

4. Watch how she/he treats his/her parents.
If your partner is rude or dismissive to his/her own parents, how do you think you and any kids you might have in future will be treated? Remember that, right now, while your relationship is relatively young, your partner is on his/her best behavior. How will things be when she/he no longer feels she/he needs to impress you?

5. Notice if she/he won’t take no for an answer.
When you have declined an invitation (“Let’s go over and hang with Rick and Joni tomorrow night.”) she/he will not accept it. She/he wheedles, coaxes, begs, sulks, or starts a fight over it, until she/he gets his/her way, and you end up going to the event you have already said you weren’t going to.

6. Watch for patterns of intense possessiveness or jealousy.
Anyone who gets angry or sulky when you want to go and have a night out with the girls/boys, or who questions you mercilessly any time you’re seen talking to a member of the opposite sex is being too possessive. Possessiveness is not cute and sweet when it becomes akin to hoarding. If you feel you’re being kept away from friends and relatives, or smothered because you can’t go anywhere without your partner, its borderline abuse. It’s also almost always the way abusive relationships get started.

7. She/he rushes or pushes you to become more involved at a faster pace than you are comfortable with.

Not respecting your need to move slow or trying to guilt or coerce you into something you’re not ready for is a sign of someone who could potentially become abusive. Obviously, that’s not always the case – sometimes the emotions are just unbalanced and your partner feels more for you sooner than you do. But if the pushing or rushing feels really uncomfortable, and if it’s persistent – or worse, relentless – you need to back him/her off very firmly. Part of abuse is establishing control over the relationship – and you. Pushing constantly for affirmation or for more intimacy, especially early on, can be a sign of the type of insecure behavior that can help create an abusive relationship. Sign to watch for: Saying things like, “I love you,” or “You belong to me, and only me” when you’ve only been dating a few months, especially when accompanied by bizarre interrogations and/or accusations about who you were talking to and where you have been.

8. Observe the way arguments proceed.
How do you disagree? Calmly, rationally – express your feelings and negotiate a resolution that’s satisfying to both of you? Or does every disagreement escalate into a huge, hours-long row? Does she/he instantly begin pouting, yelling, or calling names? This can be a clue to bad things in store. Particularly, watch for him/her to shut down into a moody, angry sulk, with the only responses to your complaints a terse, “B*tch” or “Stupid ho,” or something similar.

9. Walk on eggshells.
That’s what you feel you need to do around him/her. Is she/he extremely prickly – in other words, can the tiniest disagreement or criticism set him/her off? If so, this person can become abusive in a relationship. You should feel your most relaxed, and your most “yourself” with this person – you should never feel you need to “be careful” of what you say for fear you are going to set him/her off into a long, tiresome, or frightening, tirade. Any time you find yourself watching what you say for fear that s/he’ll get angry – again – you should re-evaluate your relationship.

10. Ask yourself if you are actually afraid of him/her.
No matter how much you love your partner, if you are afraid of him/her, you have a problem. You may miss him/her terribly when you’re apart (see the note in the Tips below), but actually dread him/her coming home. That’s a clue that your relationship has already crossed the line.

11. See physical abuse for what it is.
If anyone hits you, ever, it’s not okay. It’s not “for your own good.” You didn’t “make” him/her hit you or throw a skillet at your head. There are times in most relationships where one partner or the other lashes out physically – that can be understood if it is rare or doesn’t become violently directed toward you (kicking trash cans, etc). Recognize the difference between someone who might momentarily lose control out of frustration and anger, and someone who simply resorts to physical violence as a means of subduing you. There’s a difference between an angry, frustrated slap in the face, and a balled up fist aimed at your temple, or into your kidney. Not that the slap is okay – it isn’t. But in the case of a slap, you at least have the prayer of both of you calming down and then informing your partner that if it ever happens again, it’s a deal breaker. Someone who slaps you can be forgiven if it only happens one time. Someone who punches you should never be given the chance to punch you a second time – that’s a very different thing.

12. Look for combinations of the above.
Be sensible here. Just because someone does one or two of these things does not mean s/he is abusive. But when you see several of those signals beginning to emerge and form a pattern, it’s time to end that relationship. Patterns of abuse rarely dissolve. Much more usually, they escalate, becoming worse and more dangerous with every day that goes by.

TIPS
• Talk to someone if you sense a shift in your relationship from turbulent to scary.
• Try to notice whether you’re spending any time away from him/her, with friends or family – if, to avoid fights, you spend all your time with him/her and let your other relationships go, you’re becoming overly dependent on that relationship. When you’re too dependent, you have no support network for rough times. (However, your partner probably really likes knowing you are utterly dependent on him/her for human contact – that’s not good.)
If its men, Try to see the signs of having external affairs, or his behavior in the bedroom. Is it his own way that he wants is there any your likes in the bedroom. If he doesn’t want to listen to you anytime then there could be a problem and could be abusive too.

WARNINGS
• Don’t be fooled by his/her promises to change. Let’s say you’ve had a talk one time, and you’ve said, “I love you, but if you hit me again, I’m gone.” She/he tearfully apologizes and promises it will never happen again. Two weeks later, you have another bruise because s/he pushed you into a doorknob really hard. Accept the truth: nothing has changed. And it probably will only change for the worse from here, not for the better.
• If he or she treats waiters/waitresses or anyone that is in the service industry terribly, walk away.