Half married and not going forward.

Confused and hopeless! My man paid lobola for me in 2005 without his parents blessing as they made it clear that he should marry his previous girlfriend not me.life went on as like all other couples we had hicupps there and then finally we are together and trying to make things right. but he refuse to tell his parents about the lobola, he doesn’t wana do western wedding we have not sign we still married customary but my son took his surname. when I asked him that atleast we shoud build our own house he refuse and tells me that he is the only son he will stay at his parents house. the sad part is during hoilidays I go to my parents house he goes to his parents house until when please help may be there is no need of us moving forward help me please I have run out of plans. worried Samrand